"You should just be happy for them"..... those are the last words a woman who is 33, childless and still dating wants to hear when she tells someone how upset she is to learn that 2 possibly all 3 of her younger sisters are pregnant and all of them are getting married. As if that isn't a hard enough pill to swallow now I am suppose to be happy for them too? Can't I just be miserable and angry and bitter and wallow in self pity for a minute while I take it all in? Can I at least have that. It's bad enough that my mother (who I live with, I know I am sounding more and more like a winner every second) told me last week that she foresees me living with her childless and single forever. FOREVER. I might as well start wearing cardigans and knee highs now.
Iola Boylan here I come.
I mean, yes, I am happy they have love and are going to be mothers (2 of them this is their second child) and all that but fuck I want that too. What the fuck. I have been trying to get pregnant for years, every time a friend says they are pregnant and it was an oops or tell me they got pregnant on the first try it's like a punch to the gut. The marriage thing isn't as hard as the baby thing, the baby thing is really fucking hard. I do have a boyfriend that I love very much but we live in different states so it's hard. And you know if I never got married I think I could be okay with that, I am okay with being alone. I lived alone in another state away from friends and family for 4 years and I was fine, being alone doesn't bother me, never being a mother does. Have I mentioned I am in school to be a midwife? Yep, I like to torture myself. Anyways that is just my little rant, I will write more later and actually tell you a bit about me. I really am not this lame, at least I hope not.
Iola Boylan here I come. I mean, yes, I am happy they have love and are going to be mothers (2 of them this is their second child) and all that but fuck I want that too. What the fuck. I have been trying to get pregnant for years, every time a friend says they are pregnant and it was an oops or tell me they got pregnant on the first try it's like a punch to the gut. The marriage thing isn't as hard as the baby thing, the baby thing is really fucking hard. I do have a boyfriend that I love very much but we live in different states so it's hard. And you know if I never got married I think I could be okay with that, I am okay with being alone. I lived alone in another state away from friends and family for 4 years and I was fine, being alone doesn't bother me, never being a mother does. Have I mentioned I am in school to be a midwife? Yep, I like to torture myself. Anyways that is just my little rant, I will write more later and actually tell you a bit about me. I really am not this lame, at least I hope not.
